Ode To My DeLorean
I've owned a DeLorean for six years, February 2001 to February 2007
and it hasn't been a smooth ride all the time. But, I'm
still, "Living The Dream."
Here is a comparison of my experiences of DeLorean ownership with
the song by Adam Sandler called Ode To My Car. If you've heard this
song before then you'll get the humor in it.
Adam
Here we go
Piece of s*** car
I gotta piece of s*** car
The f****** pile of s*** never gets me very far
Mark
Actually my DeLorean gets me around just fine. Except for the three
times it broke down. The first was wiring burned completely through
at the Inertia Switch this stranded me along Interstate 5 at 1:00 am
in December and fortunately just 11 miles to get towed home. Second
time, several years later, was wiring burned through at the Inertia
Switch at 7:00 am on my way to the mechanics shop to figure out why
my D wouldn't pass emissions. I took two buses to get home.
Returned the next day on a bus with some wire strippers and
connected the black with the black/pink wire and drove home. Last
summer broke down five miles from home while at the video store at 9
pm. I tried what I could for an hour. No luck. Had the D towed
home. It turns out to be a hot start problem. All I had to do was
disconnect the grey plug from the Control Pressure Regulator and
connect it to the Cold Start Injector. This shoots a bunch of fuel
into the engine and gets it started. Disconnect grey plug from
injector and reconnect to CPR immediately after starting or you'll
flood the engine.
Adam
My cars a big pile of s*** cuz the shocks are f****** shot.
Mark
True. When I bought my D in 2001 the shocks were original and
leaking and the ride was rough. Replaced with PJ Grady's four
shocks and front springs kit. Love `em.
Adam
And my seat belts f****** broken. I got to tie it in a knot.
Mark
Removed my interior panels covering the rear speakers and seat
belt retractors. I let the driver's side seat belt retract all the
way in. Big mistake! I couldn't get the belt back out again. Took
the belt apart and the spring sprung and couldn't put it back
together. Bought a replacement. Then years later threw the broken
one away.
Adam
I can't see through the windshield cuz its got a big f****** crack.
Mark
Mine has a crack right down the middle from top center to bottom
center. Caused by gluing the rearview mirror to the inside sheet of
glass. You can feel the crack on the inside and not on the outside.
Adam
And the interior smells real bad cuz my friend puked in the back.
Mark
Actually no one puked in my D but I did find water underneath the
driver and passenger side carpeting and water in the battery
compartment and cubby lock box behind driver's seat. Eventually
found the major leaks but it's the little ones that perplex me.
Leave standing water in long enough and it gets kind of a musty odor.
Adam
It's got no CD player, it only got the eight track.
Mark
DeLoreans came with an AM/FM digital display cassette player. My
cassette player worked most of the time. Sometimes it didn't want
to play. Put it in the closet. And bought a new CD player.
Adam
Whoever design my car, can lick my sweaty n** sack.
Mark
I love the design of the DeLorean. I wouldn't change a thing!
Adam
And it got no f****** brakes, I'm always out of control.
Mark
Brakes worked okay, at first. Sometime later I had to replace the
brake master cylinder since the pedal was getting mushy. Also had
to replace both front brake rotors. Got a shimmy in the steering
wheel when applying the brake.
Adam
Eleven times a day, I hear, "Watch it a**hole!"
Mark
Really, I get a lot of positive comments about the D. About 99 out
of 100 are from guys. Wish ladies had more interest in cars.
Adam
Well the engine likes to flood, the car always f****** stalls.
Mark
My engine only stalls when I don't give it enough gas when letting
up on the clutch pedal. It also always runs rich and was borderline
at passing/not passing emmissions.
Adam
And the seat cushion gotta big rip, so a spring always pokes the
ba***.
Mark
My leather seats are cracked and splitting open and need new black
leather skins.
Adam
Plus the door locks are busted. I gotta use a f****** coat hanger.
Mark
The door locks work. It's just that they never seem to want to work
in unison. No matter how many times I've adjusted them.
Adam
The f***er she sees my car, there no chance I'll ever ba** her.
Mark
Still wish ladies had more interest in cars.
Adam
Ooooh f****** tires.
Mark
Bridgestone Potenzas were on my D when I bought it. When it came
time to replace them they don't make the rear size anymore. Not a
lot of choices out there. Unless you don't mind mixing and matching
makes and models of tires.
Adam
No rear view f****** mirror.
Mark
Got the rear view mirror permanently glued to the windshield as said
before. It's never coming off. It's the electric side view mirrors
I'm having issues with. Most of the time they don't move
(function). On a rare occasion they do work. Went through the
wiring in the doors and roof section. Still can't get them to
work. Yes, I already replaced the multi-directional switch.
Adam
73 colors.
Mark
Silver 304 grade stainless steel baby! The front and rear facias
need to be stripped and repainted.
Adam
F****** rag for a gas cap.
Mark
Got the early two key (one is for door lock, the other is for
ignition and locking gas cap) DeLorean. The locking gas cap works
but there are no locking gas cap replacements available if it ever
should stop working.
Adam
Tail pipe makin' sparks fly everywhere.
Mark
Tailpipe doesn't shoot sparks but, people standing behind my D can
smell the rich fuel/air mixture. Gotta fix that.
Adam
The whole town thinks I'm a loser.
Mark
My friends don't think I'm a loser they just don't understand why I
spend so much money on my D.
Adam
Cabby give me a push.
Mark R. Vanyo
Thanks for reading.
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