[DMCForum] Re: Paying for college

["ryanpwright" <yahoo1@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I'm consolidating responses into one post:

--- In DMCForum@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, "Jack Stiefel" <jackstiefel@xxxx>
wrote:
> with them?  If you can afford it, a give spouse won't have issues,
but what
> if you are the type to get further into debt for your whimsical
hobbies
> (plus a sewing machine isn't 10K plus purchase)?

Re-read my messages on this subject. I already covered this.

> Again generalizations don't work, but whatever floats your boat
buddy, I for
> one respect the sanctity of marriage and its partnership too much.

That's right - it's a partnership. One that should be forged of love
and respect. So why, then, do I constantly see comments like, "I'd
better buy x before I'm married, the wife will never allow it", or, "I
can't buy x, the wife won't allow it"? That's not love and respect.
That's controlling bullshit. 

If I wanted to ask permission for the rest of my life, I would have
just stayed living with my parents. No; I am a married adult, and if I
want something, I buy it. Her truck cost 3x what I paid for my D, and
I didn't give her any grief over it, so you know, if I want a new toy,
that's really up to me now, isn't it?

It's funny, yesterday a neighbor had a visitor over with a very nice
new street bike. I told my wife, "That's slick. I might buy one of
those." She said, "It's your decision, if you really want one." I do;
not enough to spend the money, though, so I'll pass for now. But the
point is I wasn't given a motherly lecture about safety and finances.
She knows I'd only buy it if we could afford it, and everyone knows
motorcycles aren't the safest form of transportation so there was no
need to bring it up.

Contrast to a friend of mine who was forced to sell his motorcycle
when he got married and is currently prohibited from buying another
one because his wife is an evil harpie...

>> Being a woman doesn't mean to be a controlling bitch who
>> destroys men's dreams. And being a husband doesn't mean being a
>> controlling jerk who won't let the wife do what SHE likes. Why 
>> can't people who want to get married simply agree?

Agreed, Flavia. I wish more people would think through the whole
marriage thing. Half the people I talk to are miserable over
purchases.

My whole point: You don't have to enjoy or even understand the hobbies
your spouse wants to get into, or the purchase he may wish to make.
You should, however, encourage him (or her, as the case may be) to
enjoy the hobby/item, rather than whine about it, or flat out say
"No."

Case in point, I'm on jury duty this month, so I bought a Gameboy
Advance to play while I sit around for days at the courthouse for jury
selection. A friend of mine saw it and said, "I'd really like one of
those. My wife would flip out, though." It's a $100 toy. A measly
hundred bucks. This guy makes fifty grand a year and doesn't have a
lot of debt to speak of (small house and a car). But his wife won't
let him spend a hundred bucks on himself simply because she doesn't
approve of the item he wants to buy.

This is what I'm ranting against, people. Too many men (I say men
because that's where I see it happening the most; I know it goes both
ways) are stuck on the receiving end of crap like this when it comes
to purchases. "You can't have that because I think it's stupid" is
what it boils down to. I don't think anyone here can honestly tell me
they've never witnessed this in other's (maybe even their own)
marriages. It happens ALL THE TIME. 

>> P.S. I agree. My wife and I inform each other just out of
>> respect.

I can't say we never "inform" each other. I always tell her when I buy
something new, and if I'm making major changes to the house we discuss
it first. For instance, I wouldn't put in a front projection system in
my living room without running it by her. But it's nice to know that
if I'm in a store, and I see something I like, I don't have to call
home and ask for permission first. I just buy it. It drives me nuts
shopping with certain friends; they're always calling home, asking if
they can buy x, then arguing about it, finally hanging up with "She
doesn't want me to get it." That's just silly. I'd like to slap him
upside the head, remind him that it's a $20 item he can easily afford,
and tell him to be a man: Buy it anyway, remind her it's none of her
business when she starts chewing into him about it and oh, by the
way, if you get to own a pair of shoes for every outfit then I darn
well can buy a DVD every now and then and no, I'm not asking for your
permission because it's a whopping twenty dollar bill and I earn a
hundred of them a week. 

But no; she keeps the family jewels locked up in her hope chest,
rendering him incapable of making any decisions on his own.

I see it every day. Those of you who aren't married know exactly what
I'm talking about, as do many of you who are. Others are blinded into
thinking respect means being obedient every time their spouse says
"No", which is just wrong.

-Ryan

Yahoo! Groups Sponsor

ADVERTISEMENT

---

Yahoo! Groups Links

• To visit your group on the web, go to:
  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DMCForum/
   
• To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
  DMCForum-unsubscribe@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
   
• Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.