Re: [DMCForum] Off topic - Light bulb Forum Discussion

["Walter Coe" <Whalt@xxxxxxx>]

Sorry Scott, they are not "light bulbs", "lightbulbs", or
"lamps".  The technically correct name is "dark sucker".
Read on:

DARK SUCKERS

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs
emitted light. However, more recent information has
proven otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light,
they suck dark. Thus we call these bulbs dark suckers.
The dark sucker theory proves the existence of dark,
that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and
that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric
bulbs suck dark. Take, for example, the dark suckers
in the room where you are. There is less dark right
next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the
dark sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.
Dark suckers in a  parking lot have much greater
capacity than the ones in this room.

As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever.
Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck.
This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker.
A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has
a white wick. You will notice that after the first use,
the wick turns black, representing all of the dark that
has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to
the wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black
because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the
candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very
limited range. There are also portable dark suckers.
The bulbs in these can't handle all of the dark by
themselves and must be aided by a dark storage unit.
When the dark storage unit is full, it must either be
emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker can
operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction
from this mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to
touch an operating dark sucker. Candles present a special
problem as the dark must travel into a solid wick instead
of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat.
Thus, it can be very dangerous to touch an operating
candle. Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim
just below the surface of a lake, you will see a lot of
light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets
slowly darker and darker. When you reach the depth of
approximately 50 feet, you are in total darkness. This
is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the
lake, and the lighter light floats to the top.

The immense power of dark can be utilized to man's
advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to
the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines. This
generates electricity and helps push dark to the ocean,
where it can be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was
much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and
lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem
and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe traveling
in the same direction as the flow of the dark, they
paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of dark. When
they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled
quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light.
If you were to stand in an illuminated room in front of
a closed, dark closet, then slowly open the closet door,
you would see the light slowly enter the closet; but
since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see
the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, I would like to say that dark suckers
make all our lives much easier. So the next time you
look at an electric light bulb, remember that it is,
indeed, a dark sucker.

---

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